I recently found myself wondering if I had built my house on sand (metaphorically speaking) because I didn’t know how else to account for all the hardship and uncertainty in my life. My wife and I are one and a half months away from moving our family from Toronto to Los Angeles, and yet we are practically penniless; three months of employment in two years will do that. That said, in order to finance our move – the move that both of us believe is right for us to make – we have decided to sell off most of our possessions. What else are we to do? I have been following my heart for several years and yet, ever since I began to consciously do that, work opportunities began to dwindle. Two years ago we sold our house and if not for the equity we had built up over time, I can’t imagine how we would have made it this far. In any event, as I sit here at my computer today, all of our savings are gone, our line of credit is perilously close to its limit and I still have no prospects for work. Obviously, neither of us are pleased to find ourselves in this predicament – it has caused all kinds of strain on our relationship (although right now our relationship is better than it’s ever been in 21 years of marriage). Nevertheless, the question still remains: What is the reason for all this hardship and uncertainty?
First of all, I could begin by citing all the external reasons why work opportunities have diminished – and there are several. However, once one accepts that God holds the timing of all events in this world and once one accepts that there is purpose behind everything, it becomes self-evident that external reasons are nothing more than a reflection of past attitudes, beliefs and perceptions. In other words, I must have done something to manifest this situation. But what? Digging below the surface, the most heartfelt answer I can find is to confess that over the course of the 15 years of marriage that preceded my wake-up call from my spirit guide, my actions in life had been fundamentally motivated by a desire for money and a desire for the things that money could buy. Not that I was a bad person. It was just that my motivations weren’t aligned first and foremost with my heart. In fact, my guardian angel actually gave me a hint of this in one of our earliest conversations when he told me I was “essentially good”. Essentially good?! I remember feeling shocked and disappointed that the qualifier “essentially” had to be placed in front of the word “good” in order to describe my nature. Of course, I had no idea what it all meant or why. I only knew I didn’t like the sound of it. And in the years that followed, I imagine it was the sting of the word “essentially” that had a lot to do with the lasting passion I found to master my negativity and to stay true to my heart.
For my continuing story, please see this post.
(For the previous story, see this post.)