I’ve never been one to gloss over the truth and I’m not about to start now. Ever since I began to diligently align my thoughts, words and actions with Divine Love (for the past several years now), I have gradually witnessed my material life fall apart. Quite literally, my career has withered away before my eyes. And although this hasn’t been the most upsetting part of my journey (I have long felt that I was in the wrong career anyway), what has been most upsetting has been the fact that following my passions hasn’t led me to a new source of income.

You see, part of my journey involved taking a huge leap of faith by moving my family to Los Angeles in spite of having extremely limited financial resources to get there and stay there. Nevertheless, everything pointed in that direction (see Angelic Intervention), so we did what we had to do in order to make it happen — we sold our possessions (many for 10 cents on the dollar) and we made the move.

Three months later, here we are in Los Angeles, and although it feels great to be here, I am no closer to generating an income from my passions.

In the meantime, the more clearly the limits of my credit facilities come into view, the more anxiety rears its ugly head — and the more I wrestle with that age old question: Who am I and why am I here?

The ridiculous thing is, I have been guided by spirit to pursue my passions, and I have been counseled by spirit that by aligning my intentions with Divine Love I will be provided for. Given the incredible spiritual experiences I have had over the course of my life, I have learned to embrace this counsel. It makes absolute sense to me and I continue to embrace it in spite of the pressure my wife (and the bills) exert on me to go out and get a job.

Unfortunately, I just can’t go out and find myself a job strictly for money — not if money is the sole motivating factor. It is simply not possible for me because to do so would mean negating everything I have been guided by spirit to learn. In a sense, my entire world view would crumble. (For those of you who have seen the movie “The Matrix,” I have taken the red pill, and there’s no turning back.)

Thus, I suppose it makes sense that while I have been recently suffering anxiety flare-ups (on two occasions so overwhelming that I resorted to burying my head in a pillow and screaming at the top of my lungs), I have also been experiencing an unmistakable resurgence in time prompts — specifically, times ending in multiples of 11 such as xx:11, xx:22, xx:33, etc. (For those of you who don’t understand the significance of time prompts, please see 11:11).

Bearing all this in mind, yesterday night I decided to check out the Institute for Spiritual Entertainment Los Angeles.

It was my first time attending one of their meetings, and as it happened, it turned out to be the first time they were using a new speed networking format similar to speed dating. Consequently, I met 18 people in about an hour.

It was such a buzz to meet so many new people, however, by the time I got home at 10:00 pm, I felt confused, sad, and lost. And I had no idea why. And I wondered if it had something to do with the choice I had made to speak about my passion to produce uplifting movies as opposed to my deeper passion of pursuing The Life Intended.

Nola headed off to bed a few minutes after I got home, but because of my emotions, there was no way I was ready to do the same.

Instead, I sat in the dark where I prayed, meditated and contemplated life.

Then I took a long bath.

Then I sat in the dark and contemplated life some more until I suddenly wondered what time it was (the last time I had checked it was 10:22). Not having my glasses on, I had to step within a few inches of the microwave before the digital display came into focus: it was 1:11.

Given the state of confusion I had been feeling for the last three hours, to see 1:11 immediately created a mixture of feelings — on the one hand, I felt comforted, on the other, I couldn’t help but think the Universe was playing a cruel joke on me.

So which one was it?

I immediately went back to the couch where I sat down and contemplated my crazy life for another half hour until I finally felt a sense of peace wash over me.

And, I was still feeling that same sense of inner peace this morning when I happened across a website called The Nibiruan Council where several articles spoke of common challenges shared by lightworkers across the globe — including issues with money. (See Running Out of Money?).

I can’t say that I was in complete agreement with the views expressed on the site, however, just to know I wasn’t the only one, well, it was a comforting discovery. Once again, time prompts and synchronicity to the rescue. Thank you God! Thank you angels!

As for the next set of bills and how they’ll get paid — stay tuned by clicking here for the continuing story!

(For the previous story, click here.)

2 thoughts on “Who Am I and Why Am I Here?

  1. Thank you, Shanna. I visited your site… wow… what a great job you've done putting all that together! Congratulations on recovering from injury, and the many breakthroughs and insights you've had since! By the way, I love your gratitude videos! 🙂

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